There a moments in our life that are unknowingly pivotal; you are not fully aware of the change until you come through it and glance behind you. There are other moments that are as equally pivotal, and you are fully aware that you are jumping into the unknown. In these moments you acknowledge that you are on the precipice of taking a risk and making a change. You are completely in control. It is the latter that is so very exciting, frightening, and invigorating.
There is something extremely liberating when we chose to leave the past behind us and embrace something new that may fall outside of our comfort zone. There is something vindicating about closing the door to the past, and owning the key to the future. These pivotal moments are what re-kindle the fire within me and thrust me forward.
I admittedly classify myself as a rule follower and a game player. I believe in adhering to the rules, and doing what is just and moral. But to a fault, I have allowed myself to be passively placed into a category, a role, a stereotype, in fear that if I was anything less or more, I would not be acceptable, desirable, or qualified. The lies I have secretly told myself over the years have been just as debilitating as the cancer that had afflicted me on two separate occasions. Our minds and self talk can and will paralyze us if we do not put it in check. And quite often, I would like to tell mine to pipe down a bit.
Over the past winter months I have had an exorbitant amount of time for self-reflection and to conduct a serious self inventory. Often I found it a bit too much as it would send my mind into maximum overdrive. Sometimes I wish I could put the brakes on this runaway train in my head. But there is something undeniably sobering when you are in your mid-forties and facing major life changes; some welcomed and others unforeseen. These moments force you to really start to question your mortality, your accomplishment, your failures, and most importantly, what you still want to experience and have yet to achieve.
If I am certain of one thing, it is that I want to live simply. Not simply live, but live with a few key components in mind. I want joy, calm, peace and mindfulness in all my experiences in life whenever possible. Granted, life can be ugly and cruel at times, but despite the hardships, and through the hardships, I want peace. I have numerous interests and an undeniable ambition, which I often have to put into check. I, undoubtedly want to continue my writing and see where it leads. I am not afraid of failure, and I would rather fail than to look back and have regret for never trying. I want to have experiences, see the world, and connect with people, rather than owning things and investing in material items. I want to share stories and experiences with my children and I want those memories and stories to be my legacy someday.
As I continue my journey and embrace change, may the newness of Spring bring peace of mind, body, and spirit to each of you.